Thanks, you guys (and gal). I really appreciate it.
So for my 200th Declaration of Evil I was left with a few choices. Son Goku was my first pick, but I also wanted to do Yusuke from the Ghost Detective anime. Then I thought, "Hey, I bet Red and Charlie Black would like this one instead!" So...
Kim: Some of you wonder why I do not declare Chang and Choi evil. Let me ask you this: if you spent your entire life attempting to prove something would you dismiss is as soon as you proved it? Of course not! In that same light, I would never declare those two evil because it would imply that I did not do my job adequately. THAT NOTION IS ABSURD! There has never been a time when I have not done my job and I am not about to go back on anything I have done! Declaring Chang and Choi evil would be like saying I failed to properly guide them. No one under my tutelage has ever failed anything! ANYTHING AT ALL! To be more concise, no one that I have declared evil and reformed
has ever failed me. My methods are flawless! If my entire Justice Alley was composed of reformed criminals I am certain we would function far better than we do now. My current teammates have their hearts set in the right place, but they have yet to experience the full, hospitalizing effect of my reformation skills. Only an empty cup can be filled and the best way to empty a cup IS TO BREAK IT! My one regret was allowing Choi to enter under Jhun’s teaching… I fear that his day of reckoning will come soon…JOKER
! Let’s put a little FOOT on that face!
They call you the Clown Prince of Crime. HA! I will have you know that I am Patron of Justice! I am the Right Foot of Righteousness! The Glorious Grinner of Greatness! Unlike you, Joker, I am not a jester. There is nothing funny about what I do so it would be in your best interest not to make light of it. Not that it matters, though; you are not what I would call a genuinely funny individual. I apologize if I do not quite see the humor in pain, suffering, and mass murder! The only joy I get is derived from all the lives I save and all the hapless fools I defeat! YOU ARE THE NEXT!
You look like a mess, Joker. Clean yourself up and consider tanning. Also, try NOT smiling. It scares the children. I know you want to imitate my fantastic smile, but your teeth are far too cracked and yellow. A visit to a dentist would probably help that, although I would not worry too much about it. The tooth doctor will not have much to work with once I get done with you! Also, I do not know where you got your fashion advice, but purple suits DO NOT match green hair. And what is with the lipstick? What type of message are you trying to send, Joker? Are you a psycho mass murderer or are you a transsexual pimp? MAKE UP YOUR MIND! No matter what you choose I am still going to DESTROY you.
What is the deal with the props? A gun that shoots as sign that says “BANG”? Lapel flowers that squirt deadly acid? A palm buzzer that can electrocute someone? What kind of wacked out prop comic are you? You know, I do not think Carrot Top would appreciate you stealing his act. I do not know if you have seen him recently, but he has gotten quite big. A scrawny wannabe trickster like you may want to watch his step. Then again, you have me to deal with now so I seriously doubt you are worried about anything else at the moment. That is all besides the point, though. You will not trick me with any of that useless junk! That’s right, not even the exploding comb, the laser mirror, or the poisonous toothpaste! How did I know you had all that? BECAUSE I ALREADY MADE SEO YONG TRY IT ALL! I had my suspicions, but I was not about to let free hygiene products pass me by without closer inspection!
You have taken countless lives, clown. I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT! No longer will I sit idle whilst you kill innocents! Erm—I was not sitting idle before hand per se; it was a figure of speech. Um… You see I was busy fighting other evil like your nemesis, Batman, and that craven vagrant, Captain America! You were a small fry compared to those two scoundrels! So, I guess I should have said “No longer will I allow you to kill innocents!” …No, that sounds even worse… I would never allow something like that to happen. It seems as though none of these turns of phrase are getting my extremely handsome point across. How about, “I have watched you committing atrocities from afar and now it is time for you to pay”? No, that makes it sound as though I could have done something about it, but did not. Hmmm… I have reached an impasse.
All right, Joker, you stay right there while I go find my students and run the rest of this speech by them. Apparently it needs a lot of revision. I WILL COME BACK! Do not worry about that, I will reform you—I just need to fix this Declaration of Evil first. Ugh… This is highly embarrassing. AKU WA YURUSAN! Why did I not take this more seriously? HAAA!!!
Kim has his priorities almost as straight as his perfect teeth.
It's been a while since I declared someone evil that was actually evil. I made sure to add a little irony in honor of that.