I'm really sorry I haven't been around fufilling my obligation to JUSTICE as of late. I was having a really bad run for a while there. I am safely back in the USA and ready to destroy evil once again.
Anyone is welcome to take a shot at evil. It's always nice to read a different point of view.
Kim: In order to become a true Patron of Justice and thrive in one’s duties pertaining to ADMINISTERING JUSTICE, one must stay focused at that said task. You can not simply go out and fight ALL the evil in the world all at once. Breaking a whole hand in one blow can be difficult, but breaking one finger at a time is simple. You must grab the malevolent wrist of Evil and snap each digit like expired piece of Pocky! Expired Pocky that was left out by your long-haired otaku roommate WHO DOES NOT CLEAN UP AFTER HIMSELF! No matter how many times you say, “throw those empty boxes away and pick up your crumbs,” he just keeps on doing what he’s doing and making a GIANT MESS. Then he holes himself up in his room SURROUNDED by Athena posters and blasts TERRIBLE pop music ALL DAY LONG! So while you are out striking forth in the name of righteousness, he is sitting alone in his room worshipping some TONE-DEAF, PSYCHO FREAK with obnoxiously purple hair NOT HELPING ANYONE BUT HER RECORD SALES!
…But I digress.
If you can not focus you can not succeed. Go forth in the name of JUSTICE and keep your priorities straight!CUTIE HONEY!
You are neither attractive nor sweet, because you are tainted with EVIL!
“Defender of Love AND Justice?” How can you do both at once? There is so much evil plaguing this world that I barely have time to enjoy a decent breakfast let alone fight for another cause. I am lucky I am married—my wife does the entire “love for my children” thing for me so I can concentrate on HOW BADLY THEY HAVE LET ME DOWN. Seriously, I am completely focused on battling evil as well as creating a better and more peaceful world WITH MY TWO FEET AND DASHING GOOD LOOKS! You can have one or the other, BUT YOU CAN NOT HAVE IT ALL! In fact, you should probably quit defending justice right now, because I have that ON LOCK. Galford thought he could impose on my territory and he found himself FACE FIRST AT THE BOTTOM OF A FLIGHT OF STAIRS! Yes, I pushed him, BUT HE DESERVED IT FOR BEING BETTER THAN ME!
And what is with the nudity and excessive violence? I mean, extreme brutality is all well and good by itself, but no one wants to see you flailing around naked! Well… Dong Hwan might, but he will go for anything with a pulse. Besides all that, I heard that you were an android. AN ANDROID!? Did Doctor Gero send you? Is this another nefarious scheme to kill Goku for the UMPTEENTH time and rule the world with a composite alloy fist? No? THEN WHO CARES? Robots were “cool” back in the ‘90s, but it is time to get real. White gis wrapped around flesh and blood bodies are what are “hot on the streets” right now!
You know, for all the forms you have, all the weapons and vehicles you use, and all those wild antics, I do believe that you lack real substance as a Patron of Justice. I can teach you the ways of a true hero if you wish, BUT IT WILL COST YOU! I expect you to wash dishes, mow lawns, and clean anything I want you to clean. Since you are a robot I also expect you to handle anything mathematic such as my taxes or calculating how many of other people’s bones I have broken each day. It is hard to keep track sometimes… AKU WA YURUSAN! My true identity is justice incarnate! HAAA!!!
There’ll be room for justice in you after Kim kicks a hole in your chest.
That felt pretty good. WATAA!!!