Kim Kap Hwan's Thread of Justice

[Eddie]

Kim Laying down some justice on Cthulhu's tentacles by eating him ... EPIC!

Make sure Kim gets some soy sauce with his Cthulhu for a little extra flavor of justice. 

[Tizoc]

I wanna see this pic of Cthulhu and the Mighty Crusader of Justice.

[Mr. Black]

Bloody thread of justice, Kim Crap Hwan still in action, aye?

How about declaring Jack Torrance (S.H.'s The Shining) evil, mate?

[Nightscape]

Tizoc: The pics are of Cthulhu and me, not the mighty Patron KIM KAPHWAN. They're on the front page of this site: http://www.callsforcthulhu.com/. Mind you, they're really not much so I wouldn't waste my time looking at them.

Black: I can certainly do that, Mr. Black, although Cutie Honey is next on the chopping block...

[hybridial]

Black: I can certainly do that, Mr. Black, although Cutie Honey is next on the chopping block...

Oh hell yeah.

Actually would you mind once you've posted the declaration I give a go at posting a counter monologue from the warrior of love and justice, if I think of a good one anyways, would you mind that?

[Tizoc]

No update in nearly 3 months, what's up with that?

[Nightscape]

Kang: Sure is quiet...

Shizuka: (sweeps up dust) Yes, sir. Not much going on recently.

Kang: (picks nose and flicks it away) Kim said something about doing some stuff with something, but what happened to that?

Shizuka: I'm not certain, I'd assume that he's been looking for a "Cutie Honey."

Kang: Mmmm, really? (chuckles) That dog!

Shizuka: I'm afraid you've got the wrong idea, Master: her name is Cutie Honey. (sighs) I can only assume that you--

Kang: I knew that! NOW SHUT THE HELL UP AND MAKE ME A SANDWICH, WOMAN!

Shizuka: (bows and groans) As you wish, sir...

***

If you really want to know what's up, Tizoc, things got really bad for me over in Iraq. I barely did anything for these last few months. I just got back so I may start writing again. I've had that request in the back of my mind for a long while now, but some stuff happened and I was more concerned with my well being.

[Don Vecta]

If you really want to know what's up, Tizoc, things got really bad for me over in Iraq. I barely did anything for these last few months. I just got back so I may start writing again. I've had that request in the back of my mind for a long while now, but some stuff happened and I was more concerned with my well being.

Oh man, please try to be safe, bro. Let us know anything, please.

Best of lucks out there in the desert, CX is with you.

[Nightscape]

I'm really sorry I haven't been around fufilling my obligation to JUSTICE as of late. I was having a really bad run for a while there. I am safely back in the USA and ready to destroy evil once again.

Anyone is welcome to take a shot at evil. It's always nice to read a different point of view.

***

Kim: In order to become a true Patron of Justice and thrive in one’s duties pertaining to ADMINISTERING JUSTICE, one must stay focused at that said task. You can not simply go out and fight ALL the evil in the world all at once. Breaking a whole hand in one blow can be difficult, but breaking one finger at a time is simple. You must grab the malevolent wrist of Evil and snap each digit like expired piece of  Pocky! Expired Pocky that was left out by your long-haired otaku roommate WHO DOES NOT CLEAN UP AFTER HIMSELF! No matter how many times you say, “throw those empty boxes away and pick up your crumbs,” he just keeps on doing what he’s doing and making a GIANT MESS. Then he holes himself up in his room SURROUNDED by Athena posters and blasts TERRIBLE pop music ALL DAY LONG! So while you are out striking forth in the name of righteousness, he is sitting alone in his room worshipping some TONE-DEAF, PSYCHO FREAK with obnoxiously purple hair NOT HELPING ANYONE BUT HER RECORD SALES!

…But I digress.

If you can not focus you can not succeed. Go forth in the name of JUSTICE and keep your priorities straight!

CUTIE HONEY! You are neither attractive nor sweet, because you are tainted with EVIL!

“Defender of Love AND Justice?” How can you do both at once? There is so much evil plaguing this world that I barely have time to enjoy a decent breakfast let alone fight for another cause. I am lucky I am married—my wife does the entire “love for my children” thing for me so I can concentrate on HOW BADLY THEY HAVE LET ME DOWN. Seriously, I am completely focused on battling evil as well as creating a better and more peaceful world WITH MY TWO FEET AND DASHING GOOD LOOKS! You can have one or the other, BUT YOU CAN NOT HAVE IT ALL! In fact, you should probably quit defending justice right now, because I have that ON LOCK. Galford thought he could impose on my territory and he found himself FACE FIRST AT THE BOTTOM OF A FLIGHT OF STAIRS! Yes, I pushed him, BUT HE DESERVED IT FOR BEING BETTER THAN ME!

And what is with the nudity and excessive violence? I mean, extreme brutality is all well and good by itself, but no one wants to see you flailing around naked! Well… Dong Hwan might, but he will go for anything with a pulse. Besides all that, I heard that you were an android. AN ANDROID!? Did Doctor Gero send you? Is this another nefarious scheme to kill Goku for the UMPTEENTH time and rule the world with a composite alloy fist? No? THEN WHO CARES? Robots were “cool” back in the ‘90s, but it is time to get real. White gis wrapped around flesh and blood bodies are what are “hot on the streets” right now!

You know, for all the forms you have, all the weapons and vehicles you use, and all those wild antics, I do believe that you lack real substance as a Patron of Justice. I can teach you the ways of a true hero if you wish, BUT IT WILL COST YOU! I expect you to wash dishes, mow lawns, and clean anything I want you to clean. Since you are a robot I also expect you to handle anything mathematic such as my taxes or calculating how many of other people’s bones I have broken each day. It is hard to keep track sometimes… AKU WA YURUSAN! My true identity is justice incarnate! HAAA!!!
---
There’ll be room for justice in you after Kim kicks a hole in your chest.

***

That felt pretty good. WATAA!!!

[Don Vecta]

lol nothing like the greatness of declare evil... sure it was missed this.

Glad u r back home safe, bro.

[Nightscape]

Kang: (taps foot impatiently while digging through shelves) SHIZUKA! Did you make me that sandwich yet?

Shizuka: (from kitchen) No, sir. It would seem as though all the cupboards are barren.

Kang: Well get your hellin' damnin' behind down to the Square Q and get me one! TIME MOTHER EFFING NOW!

Shizuka: (loud sigh) I believe you meant to say Circle—

Kang: I mean, "SHUT THE HECK UP AND GET ME A SANDWICH, WOMAN!" (pants and calms down) But before you go, where do you think Kim went? And Jhun and that whiny guy in blue?

Shizuka: (enters room with Kang) Seo Yong, sir?

Kang: (shrugs and kicks over coffee table) Yeah, the tissue bandit. Whatever. Where they at?

Shizuka: They're probably all attending the Justice Conference occurring in South Korea right now. Master Kim is one of the hosts, you know.

Kang: WHAT!? When was I going to find this out!?

Shizuka: Sir, I don't think they wanted—

Kang: Ain’t no party like a Baedal party, cuz a Baedal party KICKS SO MUCH TAIL! (strikes a heroic pose) TO SOUTH KOREA! (runs off)

Shizuka: (to self) This won't end well... I’m sorry, Master Kim… (leaves)

[Don Vecta]

so... this is the prelude of something interesting, I see

Keep it up, looking forward to it.

[Nightscape]

Kim: It's almost Christmas... A time for cheer, peace on earth, brotherhood, and MOST IMPORTANTLY... JUSTICE!

(Justice Alley nods in agreement)

Kim: I want you all to tell what you are thankful for and what you want for Christmas!

Jhun: Let's try to keep it short, Baedal...

Baedal: (scoffs) Nice Christmas spirit, Longhair McGrinch!

Kim: QUIET! (points at Jae Hoon) SPEAK NOW!

Jae: Oh, me first? Um... Wow this is sudden...

Kim: Son... Do not waste this lovely moment with your trifle ponderings!

Jae: I'm thankful for my father and I want a new tea kettle! (strikes a pose) HWAA!!

Kim: Well done…

Dong Hwan: I’m thankful for the ladies and I want a flatscreen TV!

(awkward silence)

Dong Hwan: Seriously?

Kim: DO IT OR RECEIVE NOTHING!

Dong Hwan: Feh… (poses) Hwaa…

Jhun: I’m thankful for Athena. (sighs) I love her so much… I’d really like her new CD.

Kim: I am thankful that I broke into the record store last night and DESTROYED EVERYTHING. I wish that Jhun’s speakers were destroyed. $500 to the one who carries out this righteous task.

(Dong Hwan leaves the room)

Jhun: HEY, WAIT! (runs off)

Seo Yong: I’m really grateful that—

To be continued…


Seo Yong: Really? Just like that?

Adel: Don’t be too upset, Yong Song. No one else got a wish.

Choi: I guess we’ll be hangin’ in till New Years!

Adel: I guess so…

[Nightscape]

Seo: It's almost Southtown New Year's and I still didn't get to make my Christmas wish!

Chang: It's okay, Master Seo Yong, no one else here did.

Seo: I know... That's what he said, too. (whines) But its the principle!

Adel: (sighs) What were you going to wish for anyway?

Seo: (resolute) The love and respect of my peers! (poses) HWAA!!!

Adel: It's probably good that you didn't get to make that wish...

Baedal: Yeah, that wish is for sissies... Sissies who ain't never gonna get no love! Except maybe in tennis! BOOYAH~!

Seo: (cries and runs off)

Adel: I don't see that being at all necessary, Kang.

Baedal: I don't see you as being worthy of my attention, Samuel.

Adel: That's not my name... You know that's-- (groans) Nevermind.

To be continued...

[Nightscape]

Meanwhile, at the Justice Compound…

Jhun: And that’s how it is, Kim. Once everything shuts down we’re going to have to release all the prisoners.

Jae Hoon: All 207 of them, father. All of them back on the streets! It’s terrible!

Jhun: It’s unfortunate.

May Lee: It’s against nature!

Chang and Choi: (crying) It’s not us!!!

Dong Hwan: It’s not a big deal…

Kim: NOT A BIG DEAL!? (points at  Dong Hwan) If the company closes down the video game department we may be history. Not only that, but all of these criminals will go free. We and our compatriots may cease to exist over time, but all the other company villains will go free. FREE TO RAVAGE THE STREETS WITH THEIR EVIL!

Chae Lim: (scratching head) Wait… What are we talking about? Other companies? I don’t—

Jhun: Surely we have some sort of contingency plan in place? You didn’t think we’d be able to just lock up hundreds of people against their will forever did you? All things come to an end, Kim.

Kim: But so soon? I believed that we would outlast OR AT THE VERY LEAST die with the companies in a grand display that would rival the Ragnarok in terror and legend!

Jae: The rumors aren’t just rumors anymore; we have to take action before SNK shuts all this down!

Jhun: Jae is right, I don’t like the idea of M. Bison—Vega—whatever his name is running free the second this place collapses.

Chae: Collapses? What the heck is SNK? What are you guys talking about?

Dong Hwan: Who cares? I was only in one game anyway. We had a good run. Maybe I’ll get to be in the next SNK crossover RPG. (dreamy) Maybe they’ll partner me up with some hot chick from Tecmo or something…

May Lee: An idiot pervert like you would probably end up with someone like Rufus or Dan Hibiki.

Kim: I KNEW I FORGOT SOMETHING! (epic pose) I never declared Rufus OR Juri evil…

Jhun: Well, you’d better hurry up, because now that Kukino is gone and this new president wants us gone you may never declare evil again.

Chae: WAIT! What are you guys talking about!?

(everyone stares blankly at Chae Lim)

Chae: SNK? Kukino? Other companies? President? You make it sound like we’re some sort of franchise or something. Crossover RPG? Life isn’t a video game, Dong Hwan! If something bad is going to happen to us and all these people that we worked so hard to—erm—rehabilitate, I guess—go free, then there’ll be chaos. We’ll have tons of lawsuits pressed against us! It’ll be worse than the time Master Kim pushed Galford down the stairs.

Kim: (crosses arms and looks away) That was never proven in the court of law!

Seo Yong: (quietly) Actually, master, it was.

Kim: (still looking away, furious) SHUT THE HELL UP, SEO! I KNOW THAT WAS YOU THAT SAID THAT! I DON’T EVEN HAVE TO LOOK! YOU WANT ME TO SEND YOU BACK TO BURIKI SO YOU CAN FAIL US AGAIN!?

Seo: (slinks away, sobbing)

(awkward silence)

Jhun: We’re doomed…

Chae: HOW ARE WE DOOMED!? I DON’T UNDERSTAND! You guys are acting like there’s nothing we can do, like it’s totally out of our hands!

Dong Hwan: You’re acting like you didn’t know that you’re a video game character.

Jhun: This is serious, Chae, and it wasn’t funny the first time. You know exactly what’s going on.

Jae: This isn’t really an appropriate time for jokes, Chae.

Kang Baedal: You a dumbass, bisexual ho, Chae.

Shizuka: (sweeping; sighs) Not that there’s anything wrong with that, Miss Chae.

Kim: Please, Chae. I know the news is hard, but you can not forget who you are. I know you are still upset that Maximum Impact did not do as well as you would have liked, but it is time to move on.

Chae: (wide-eyed) … What?

Choi: (mumbles) At least you got to be in KOF MI…

Kim: Nevermind all this, I’ll worry about it later. I am going to find Rufus and/or Juri.

Jhun: I’m going to find out how I can make sure these villains stay locked up.

Jae: I’m going to get a box of tissues for Seo.

(everyone leaves)

Chae: … What?