At the Justice Dojang in Southtown, USA…
Jhun: Uh… Kim?
Kim: (dramatically posing in front of a mirror) Yes, Jhun?
Jhun: I thought you said you were going to investigate this whole excessive electricity use issue.
Kim: I did.
Jhun: (frowns) You went to my room, kicked holes in my walls, pointed in some random directions and… (gestures around room) Here we are.
Kim: Jhun… Let me tell you something… (takes Jhun under his shoulder) You see, I could concern myself with the rising costs of electricity, water, and missing prisoners. Or—OR! I could ignore it and get May Lee to run wires over to Galford’s hideout and leech off his power.
Jhun: WHAT? (pushes away from Kim) Wait—WHAT!?
Kim: I know what you are thinking, Jhun, “May Lee isn’t a registered, trained electrician.” Well, that may be so. BUT! By the power of justice, faith, and frugality—
Jhun: FRUGALITY!? She could kill herself! Galford’ll press charges AGAIN! IT’S ILLEG—
Kim: Yes, yes… Rigmarole. (walks off) I am sure we will see through this FOR JUSTICE!
Jhun: (thinking aloud) Okay, Kim is not acting like Kim. He’s acting more impulsive, more crazy, and out and out idiotic… Well, that’s not too different, but it is cause for concern… (strikes a pose) CHOI!
Choi: (drops down from ceiling) Whaddup, boss?
Jhun: We’re going to investigate what the heck is going on with Kim…
Choi: (mock salute) Yessir!
***Meanwhile in a recording studio in Italy…
Kang: WHOOOOA, son! It’s Kang Baedal hailing from the fine, fine saucy shores of Italia! WHAT’S GOOD!? I just got this call—okay, not really a call so much as me following the thread—about Kim not declaring evil an’ <bleep!>! Well, let me tell you a little story that will TOUCH YOUR HEART AND MAKE YOU CRY!
The year: 1999. The tournament: KOF Evolution. Kim had to make a new team for the tournament and your man, KANG BAEDAL, was on that <bleep!>! Dawg… I WAS THE TEAM! Anyway, it was me, Kim, Chang, and Choi and we were going to MAKE IT RAIN on them poseurs at the KOF tourney! My man, Syo Kirishima was there, Gai Tendo, an’ my <bleep!> Seth was there, too. But… You know don’t tell him I called him a <bleep!>, because that Uncle Tom BE HATIN’ sayin’, “that’s our word” an’ <bleep!>! Anyway, let me clean this up. I got kicked off the team and banished to the Italy dojang. But before I got here, I BEAT UP ALL OF THOSE JUSTICE ALLEY MOFOS!
What? You don’t believe me? Dawg… I kick tornados. NOBODY DOES THAT! Joe Higishi? Who the <bleep!> is that? That some kind of sushi, <bleep!>? Don’t bring that talk here! Goenitz? <bleep!>, stop hatin’! You just jealous cuz I’m shiiiiiiii~iiiiinin’! Man, I control the wind! I mastered EVERY FORM OF KOREAN MARTIAL ART EVER!
Word, I can kill a <bleep!> with a napkin!
I’m rambling.. SHIZUKA!
Shizuka: (behind tech booth) Sir?
Kang: STOP BLEEPING ME! I’M TRYING TO KEEP IT REAL!
Shizuka: Sir, I don’t think Kim would allow—
Kang: Listen, this is our one way ticket to big ballin’, shot callin’ and… Stuff.
Shizuka: (sighs) You were going to “declare evil,” Master Kang?
Kang: WORD! So like… Yeah so my dudes and dudettes were like, “Declare evil, Kang, we love you so much, we want to be with you!” And I’m like whoa, hold on let your man do his thing! So like…KIM “BIG” DONG HWAN!
Yo, dude, you are the MAN. I been reading your stuff, watching, all that stuff. YOU ROCK SO HARD, MAN. Like shred on a guitar made of dragon guts and 200 proof vodka! For real. It’s like a fiery, drunk, rapping raptor trying to sell coke for a living. SICK! You ARE awesome! Dude, give your boy a shout out sometime. We can cruise the—NO—come to Italy, man. I’ll show you a good time! FOR REAL! Achoo way arborous! Ya’ll know what I’m doing!
Shizuka: Sir, you really should exercise some restrai—
Kang: SANDWICH TIME!
Shizuka: (shuts down booth) Yes, sir.