The stunning conclusion!
Metro City Hall and something is amiss… KIM IS ON THE SCENE!
(Cody is tied up, Maki is fanning herself in a corner, and Guy is standing next to Cody)
Kim: (puts down presents) Well, this does not appear to be a part of the festivities.
Jhun: (sighs) I think this is a trap, Kim.
Guy: You know it’s a trap, Master Jhun.
Jhun: (shrugs) To-may-to, to-ma-to.
Kim: What is going on!? (strikes heroic pose) Why is Cody tied up? Why is Maki just standing there!?
Maki: (examining fingernails) Hey, man, I have nothing to do with this. My brother-in-law said to bug off so I’m just here for the show?
Kim: I DO NOT REMEMBER HAVING ANY SAY IN WHAT WE WERE WATCHING!
Guy: You are so, stupid. Kim. You’ve always been an idiot. (waves hand)
(Strider and Galford leap on the scene)
Guy: It’s about time we make sure you don’t embarrass your students any further and harm anyone else that need not be harmed.
Galford: Thanks for bringing him here, Jhun. I didn’t think he’d buy it otherwise. (clenches fist) Kim is a cagey warrior, he is.
Jhun: No… Actually he’s—
Strider Hiryu: (whispering) About to pay for making a fool of me in front of my fellow Striders.
Jhun: Pay for what!? What are you—guys, seriously? I thought this was supposed to be an intervention.
Galford: It is. (draws blade) Kim, you pushed me downstairs and punted my dog the length of a football field.
Kim: (shakes head) Two.
Kim: I kicked Poppy two football fields: one for JUSTICE and the other because I hate it when dogs wear bandanas.
Galford: (points at Kim and yells at Jhun) YOU SEE! He’s totally aloof!
Kim: That is what your dog said after I kicked it, “ALOOF!”
Strider: (quietly) That’s enough.
Guy: Jhun, I thought you’d understand what needs to happen.
Jhun: Needs to happen? (nervous laugh) I still don’t know what you guys are getting at!
Galford: (angry) We’re going to put Kim out of commission just like he did each and everyone one of us in this room right now!
Maki: Except me.
Kim: (points to Jhun) And a billboard fell on him, that is not my fault.
Galford: WHATEVER! Once you’re bedridden and weak we can finally undo all the mess you’ve brought about.
Strider: (barely audible) We’re going to start by freeing everyone from that concentration camp you call a “Justice Compound.”
Kim: (leans toward Strider) What?
Strider: (even lower) We’re going to release all your prisoners who have been held against their collective wills.
Kim: (furrows brow) Jhun, can you hear him?
Jhun: He’s standing 10 feet away from us in a big empty room and I still can’t hear him.
Stirder: (at this point he’s practically just moving his mouth) I said that we’re going to let all those people you captured go.
Kim: This must be a foreign film, because this dubbing is horrible. Perhaps subtitles will—
Galford: GOOD LORD STAY ON TOPIC! WE ARE GOING TO BEAT YOU UNTIL YOU CAN’T WALK! (motions towards Jhun) If you don’t want to help us, FINE. Stand over there with Maki. Otherwise, STAY OUT OF OUR WAY!
Jhun: (takes two steps back) Yuuuup, gotcha.
Galford: NOW! The calm before the storm is ending! Face the revenge of three ninjas at once!
Strider: (no really, I think he’s doing this on purpose, because I can barely transcribe this) I’m actually not a ninja. Little known fact: I’m a Strider. I don’t like associating myself with ninjas, because it gives people the wrong idea. Ninjas have a stigma about them that we Striders feel detracts from our ability to defend the cosmos.
(total actual silence)
Galford: Wow… Just wow. (slaps hand against forehead) Are you guys for real? I don’t know who’s worse, Kim as he is now or the way you guys are choosing to act at this time.
Guy: I really don’t want to be associated with Striders. (crosses arms and shuts eyes)They tend to be uppity.
Guy: %&$* you, too, you mechanized wannabe shinobi.
Galford: (flabbergasted) This plan has wildly flown off the rails.
Kim: I am sorry, Galford.
Galford: (suddenly menacing again) YOU WILL BE SORRY ONCE WE… (lightens up) Wait what?
Kim: I am sorry to you as well, Guy and Strider.
Cody: (completely free of his bonds and clapping) Hooray!
Cody: You ever notice my taunt in Street Fighter Alpha 3? How about all those times I broke outta jail? Man, I only stay capture when I want to. (walks next to Kim) Besides, he apologized! No grudges, right?
Galford: (perplexed) There’s no way this is legitimate.
Kim: No, really. I am sorry for pushing you down the stairs and kicking your dog. I was only joking about what I said earlier, but it seems as though you were not in a joking mood. (looks over at Strider) I am sorry for destroying your sacred bond of trust you had with your fellow Striders. You told them they could trust me and I failed you by losing my head. (nods to Guy) And I am sorry for viciously beating you down after you helped me save the world from Rugal for little other reason than just because you were there. That was rather Yagami-like of me, wasn’t it? (steps back and pats Jhun on the back) And I am sorry that you’re an incompetent moron who doesn’t take care of his hair.
Jhun: (sighs) Yeah, real appropriate for the holidays, Kim.
Kim: (steps out into the center of the room) I see that I have caused you all a great deal of strife. Cody and I spoke after I beat you up, Guy, and he told me that sometimes things are not what they seem. He told me how he spent time in prison and I was shocked. He was such a good student.
Cody: Heck yeah I was!
Kim: And that day I realized that stomping out competition and fighting those that seek Justice is not righteous at all. You all and I happen to be fighting the same fight and I respect you all for that.
Galford: (blinking rapidly)
Kim: It is obvious to me that you all seek justice with the a slightly less effective vigor that I do and I cannot fault you for that. I have yet to lock up Jhun and, when he is not loafing around listening to terrible pop music, he actually does go out and stop crime—albeit very violently.
Jhun: (contented exhale) Awww, what can I say?
Kim: So, I stopped declaring evil for the past year and only declared those who deserved it evil and I already let go most of the people back at the compound.
Cody: It’s true! I was there! I helped file all the paperwork!
Kim: I do not believe I will need to declare evil as often as I used to, because things are different now and you all are doing a wonderful job keeping the world safe. Even Kang has been doing his part! (grins) Yes, we are of the same ilk, all of us together. I respect you all and want to wish you a happy holiday and a fantastic new year!
Galford: (blank stare)
Jhun: (walking toward exit) We should probably leave, Kim. We can still celebrate the holiday at Gai Tendo’s place if we hurry.
Kim: Excellent. Peace and goodwill friends! (walks away)
Maki: (hurries after them) Oooooh, I’m coming, too! I love a good party!
(Kim, Jhun, and Maki leave and shut the door behind them)
Cody: (beckons Guy) Hey, man. Let’s get out of here.
Guy: (sighs) Certainly… (leaves with Cody)
Strider: (normal voice) Dayum, son. That was a swiggity-switch I didn’t see comin’. Shoooooot, Imma go tell my boyz ‘bout this one. They gonna FLIP $*@& when I tell’em! (puts in earbuds and waves to Galford) Outtie 5000, dawg. I’m rockin’ Soulja Boy all the way back to the space station! YOOOOUUUUUUUUU! PEACE! (teleports away)
Galford: (passes out)
MERRY CHRISTMAS, CX, AND HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR!
This is probably going to be one of my lasts posts on CX outside of holidays and what not (Maxi's birthday is a must). Maybe there'll be the occasional Sonic thread post. I'll always come here for SNK news and lurk harder than Smeagle in a "One Ring" shop. I've been away for a while anyway, but I figured I'd finish what I started on a positive (wildly uncharacteristic) note. I hope you all are safe wherever you are and NOT rioting for Air Jordans. Be safe, happy holidays, and have a fantastic new year!