Well... maybe what I'm gonna post it's kinda personal... I shouldn't do this but I have here tons of valuable friends and I'd like to share my thoughts of a closing stage of my life.
Shanghai, evaluation of a stage of my life (WARNING: long read).
Well, in few days I'm leaving here... having a huge mix of feelings, tons of memories, some disappointments and also feeling blue because, well... moving means several things, and one of them it's to let go stuff that somehow you started to grew fond of.
However, should I say that coming to this city in the first place was a waste of my time and my professional curriculum?
Perhaps if I see this as how I ended up my working relationship with this excuse of a man who hired me in the first place, feeling myself substituted, overwritten, disposed and taking from me all sort of respect just because he found a pretty looking new model to give face to his company, well, then I could say I came here for nothing since I doubt this moron would ever consider my performance here as something worth to my resume. I just got deleted from his company in a snap of fingers... and part of this demise was also because I wanted to.
I really don't want to feel the bitter humiliation to see an arrogant prick looking down at me, flaunting in my face how he stole my position as training manager and me just demoted to be a mere teacher again. I simply couldn't stand even thinking about it. I think calling it quits and severe my cuts with this man and his new toy was the best thing I could do... at least to keep part of my own dignity... perhaps the last thing I have.
Now, Shanghai was a big experiment in my life. Besides of being a training manager (must admit that even my boss was taking this more like a game rather than being completely serious on this position for me, I did a quite fine job training several new teachers and make them competitive professionals in education and not only backpacking foreign dudes hired to waste time with silly games in English), also tried to lead a more sober life, based mostly in being responsible to a special someone and my new dog Webón, living the life as close as a married man could be, sacrificing tons of my own space, was harder to make friends or acquaintances. Cannot say I didn't enjoy it, it felt good somehow being valued and have a place that I could felt home... but in the long run, it also wore me down and ended up in an inevitable breakdown.
Now alone here, dealing with my own problems, I found again value on my own merits and not to have all my things done... it's harder, but I feel again like a grown up man. I'm succeeding in solving stuff. But then again, I can't avoid feeling the unbearable thought to come back to square one.
Now, what lies to me in Guangzhou it's something new. Yeah, some old friends are still there, but I won't be living in the place I lived before, neither working in the same place I worked before I left to SH, it's gonna be something new.
Will it be better than it was? I must admit that, while some people could call a failure my life in Shanghai, I learned to value my working quality more and ask what it is fair, not only in cash but in self respect. Learned nothing it's for granted and that the shallowness of some people who could promise you the sun and stars would simply turn you down when they find something shinier though not exactly better in quantity.
I have to say I am afraid, sad and frustrated to start over again and letting go all the things I achieved here, though it means nothing for some... for me meant a lot. But unfortunately a man on his own like me, cannot afford to stop, I must go on and keep fighting and swimming against the tide because... nothing and nobody is there for me. My choice of lifestyle, indeed. But my life in the end. Mine only.
Hope everything goes better on my end... at least I'll die trying my best, as always.